Minding My Anxiety

My mind starts racing

My heart skips several beats

It's time again, the cupboards are empty

Every time I make it to the store and back

It's like my survival is back on track

But soon the time comes to do it again

And down the rabbit hole, I slowly descend

First, I must feel the bite of the hunger,

Then I reprimand myself to be stronger

Once it becomes too much to bear

I must convince myself not to fear

Of course, I first check to seek help from another

But the options are few, so most times I must bother

Once I have convinced myself, yes

That's the trigger, I must pass this test

I will need a day or two not to lose my mind

Public appearances require mental prep time

The night before there will be little rest

My mind erupts with such distress

I work until I am exhausted

Hopefully, as I get tired, sleep will come fast then

It works but not as well as I wish

This kind of sleep is very surface

I go to bed late and awake super early

Like a child on Christmas morning

Except, it's no joy, it's another story

My anxiety is in high gear

Anticipation is oh so near

I'm visiting my world today

Up close and personal

It's such a dilemma, but one I must face

And again survival is all I pray

As I watch myself be stronger than I thought

Facing the world and all its onslaught

I imagine the future, a day from today

When terror has passed and I am home again

Minding my anxiety can be a trip

But it saves me from the abyss

Coach Racquel

Anxiety is a real thing. I have a fear of people, which causes me to fear the outdoors (except in private spaces). I was always like this growing up as a child, but a terrifying experience in 2016 exaggerated these fears. Some persons have told me coldly, and matter-of-factly, to get up and go out, but it is not that simple for all of us. Have some compassion, but perhaps that is as difficult for you as my anxiety is for me. If you suffer from anxiety, take your time. Try to be around people who support you and show you empathy. Go as slow as you need to, take all the time you need. God is with you.